As Jesse & I embark on our 30th week of pregnancy with 'Charlee Kate', I felt the need to look thru Eli's photos tonight.
I'm not sure why. I think I may know what triggered it. But sometimes its just good to look through them and line my eyes with the silhouette of his precious and perfect crooked little legs and shiny head. All the fine details that I was robbed of.
But I need to get another sentiment out there. Please remember Eli. Remember him when referring to Charlee Kate as our '3rd child'.
Something I have been harboring for weeks now is the sting I feel when lighthearted conversations between my friends, family, and I as Charlee Kate's delivery gets nearer ends up in the jokingly way of saying "3rd child problems" (3rd child gets the hand-me-downs, 3rd child doesn't get new stuff. You know...).
I would never correct anyone, as I find that embarrassing myself. But my heart definitely hurts as my mind and soul leave that conversation immediately after that is presented...
- Eli was our 1st born twin son and
- Walker is our 2nd born twin son; (born just 2 minutes apart)
- Ellie is our 3rd child, our first daughter.
- Charlee Kate is our 4th child. Our 4th miracle.
I know our loved ones mean well. And Jesse & both love lighthearted conversation more than the next person. We even giggle when he comes home and tells me people's reaction at work when he tells them his wife is expecting his 4th child.
But lets refer to '4th child problems'... Whatever those may be. I'm sure its twice as bad as "3rd child problems". But what's worse than 4th child problems is a wrong number that hurts my heart and doesn't tell the truth of the matter. #irreplaceable
I swear I'm going to buy this off of Etsy soon and hang it by my front door for all to see: