I'm starting fresh.
I was going to give you a run-down as to what all happened. But right now, I'm just going to start off by telling you what is on my heart.
Baby Girl Maine has changed my life. This is the best summary I have for you.
I swore after 9/11 that I would never fly to the northern states. Not that its relevant, but I've always felt as if the south was a safe-haven. Knowing that one of our connection flights was in Washington, D.C., I had my fears. But ultimately, once on that plane with my little family, all anxieties subsided. We were on our way to hold a little girl who held the only living piece of my son. And that's all that mattered. Outside of my family's safety, I had nothing else to lose.
From the moment we came down that escalator to see all of Cambrie's family and friends waving posters and balloons, yelling as we came down, nothing mattered when Kiara immediately handed Cambrie to me. Everything became silent. There was no yelling or travelers. There was not a distraction in the room. I just felt overwhelmed with faith, full-circle. I've never felt what I felt last Wednesday.
Actually, I doubt I ever feel it again.
But my heart was joined with Baby Girl Maine's heart, which was also joined with Eli's. It was there that I felt liberation. True liberation (Thank you Regina, my wordsy friend!). Liberation to the point that every cry, every outburst, every sleepless night, every luncheon with my son at his graveside, every speech, every fear, every fight that I have felt for 4 years straight all came to an empty point of no more. This is what true love was. This was true liberation. This was the feeling of true relief and joy.
Cambrie is healthy and living. And he had a hand in that. One special little girl in this world has him. And he resides in Cambrie. There is no other greater joy that I can feel ever again than how I do right now to know her.
How blessed we are to watch her grow up into a young woman.
My life will now be able to move forward in a positive direction spiritually and emotionally. I no longer look at Eli's photo in disbelief or shame that he was ultimately removed from support based on our own decision. But instead can look to it as a "Job well done, my child."
That's how I feel. I look at Cambrie and know that Eli did a job well done. More than any of us can accomplish in our own lives. And the greatest achievement here is that he had a life of no sin and no regret. MY GOD is an awesome God. He moved me in and out of the storm to plant me here at the end of this journey. He has opened my eyes to a greater worth and fulfilled promises.
And here she is.